Going to see Nain

'Nain' (pronounced 'Nine')is the Welsh (or, more precisely, north Welsh) word for grandma. My mother, in this context. Nain is what my two boys, aged 9 and 7, call her.

Nain has not been at all well in recent months and in May moved into a nursing home in mid Wales. She wanted to go there, realising that she needed full time nursing care. It is a lovely home, and as a family we are very happy that she is getting the best care she could have, and we are content that she is safe.

This week the four of us went up to see her. We spent four nights in her bungalow, sorting things out a bit, as she will not be going back to live there. A difficult task, and many families know exactly what it is about. We made four visits during the week to see Nain. She is in bed now, rarely able to get up, and spending much of her time asleep as she has no energy to do much else. We have little spurts of conversation, and then she drops off again. But she is not in pain.

The boys spontaneously went up to her and gave her a kiss. Her eyes lit up. She murmured 'darling' to them. They were quite matter of fact about it. The older boy had come alone with me to see her a few weeks ago. When we were all going up this time, he said to our younger, in a rather grown up sort of voice, 'Thomas, you must realise that Nain is very thin now...'. Preparing his little brother. But little brother did not seem too fazed.

What interested Hilary and me was the reaction of a friend when we said last week what we were going to do. She really did not think it was right to let a child see Nain in that state. I am not sure exactly why. It was as if the children should be allowed to remember her at her best, but that a veil should be drawn over the weakness of old age and approaching death.

Did it make a difference that this lady was not a Christian? As a Christian you have a framework in which to understand pain, weakness and death. It is an enemy, but it is a part of life in a fallen world. A generation that runs away from it has not grown up. As a Christian too one has hope for life after death - that is, if the dying one is a believer. Whether the person is a believer or not, you know that this life is not the end; it is not all there is; mere continuation of this existence is not a value in itself. This life is a preparation for the next.

One should not force such experiences on children; the boys were happy to come. Nor was there anything morbid or gruesome about visiting Nain. Children are exposed to all manner of things that are morally corrupting; they should not be shielded from reality that is not sinful. Would the lady who thinks otherwise want her grandchildren kept from her in her old and perhaps unsightly age? If so - that is sad.

Give children the opportunity to come to terms with reality. And the warmth of spontaneous affection with which the boys gave her a 'sws' on her pursed and lined cheeks and the brightness in her eyes and weak smile on her lips as they did so, was a precious testimony to God-given human affection.